It was that time in the morning when you really shouldn’t be in the office any more. Two in the morning. On a Saturday. But we were. Putting together the spangly new-look DVD Review, I might add, out 1 May. Which, despite the best efforts of various malevolent forces that conspired to make us fail, looks ace!

One of the other things we came up with in our clapped-out, frazzled delirium was an idea to make our own movie. Specifically, the kind of movie you would get if you mashed The Passion Of The Christ together with Night Of The Living Dead.

Zombie Jesus.

We really thought Zombie Jesus (or ZOMBIE JEZUS, as Ali insisted it be spelled, in capitals, complete with backwards ‘Z’) was going to be our ticket out of the stupid magazine business. (We were very tired.) It even fitted in with the original story, about a guy who gets nailed to planks of wood for claiming to be the son of God... and then magically comes back to life.

From that outlandish premise, Zombie Jesus and his unstoppable army of undead disciples attempting to take over the world isn't such a stretch. But the Shambling Redeemer hasn't banked on Jake Pilate, the hard-ass, rulebook-disregarding, take-no-crap Guvnor of Jerusalem, who’s going to finish the job he started in time for goddamn Passover. It was going to be brilliant!

Then we discovered someone had beaten us to it...

Lucky old DVD Review is heading along to the Ironman premiere on Thursday night but before we find out if it's as good as the trailer, we thought we'd share with you this report from the ever reliable The Onion...